


1. how to fix up a heart you let down

by orphan_account



Series: all the shit that used to feel right [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Break Up, M/M, side jeongcheol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 16:43:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5709643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and </p><p>Jun thinks, that they're going to <i>make it</i>. </p><p>-<br/>or, wonwoo moves out. junhui copes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. how to fix up a heart you let down

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Things I Learned While Living Alone](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/168751) by Schuyler Peck. 



> [@evon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/evon/pseuds/evon) thank u <3<3
> 
> excerpts taken from: Schuyler Peck, _Things I Learned While Living Alone_

**1.** Nights start off like a great first date. You’ll believe you were meant for the one bedroom apartment kind of life. 

The first day they move in together, they’re lugging boxes up four flights. Wonwoo yells at him to take the heavy stuff for once from the first floor. Junhui says. “There’d be no point in dating you then, would there?”

The week they move in, the elevator’s down for maintenance. Wonwoo’s laughter rings out on the stairs, and Jun leans over the railing to look down at him. Wonwoo’s already looking up. There’s two floors of distance between them, but Jun swears they’ve never been closer.

It's a two bedroom apartment, that's really just one room and a smaller, less-livable room. But the kitchen has a counter and the bathroom isn’t bad and, the rent is ok. The hallway leading to their door(white) is this sea blue teal colour. Inside, the walls are beige-brown, but not the gross type. It’s warm. And, it’s kinda nice for being so empty.

He thinks, when they’re on the mattress, no bed frame only a blanket. He thinks, with their legs tangled together and his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder, whispering back and forth about the creaky pipes in the kitchen. He thinks, after they’re almost sleeping for real, after kissing for hours and trying to get over the excitement of moving in _together._ He thinks, listening to the steady sound of Wonwoo’s breathing, thinking about how the night turns their room blue and

Jun thinks, that they're going to _make it_.

-

He walks back to their apartment, takes the stairs because Wonwoo’s the only reason he takes the elevator and he’s not around anyways. Walks down the teal-blue hall, and pulls out his keys. Steps in front of the apartment.

And, he can’t go in. He’s twisting his keys in one hand and staring at the door. The 406 number plate, and he can’t. He sits down instead. Leans his head against the door, and breathes out. His whole body goes down with it. He’s slumped outside the door and he’s thinking.

Yesterday, he left this apartment at 8:43 a.m and it was completely different. The hallway is teal, sure, but in the daylight. It’s brighter, more lively and prettier. Yesterday, Wonwoo kissed him while he was half out the door, late for the bus. Yesterday, they broke up.

Yesterday, at 9 p.m Wonwoo walked out. Yesterday _sucked_.

He’s pulling at the sleeves of his cardigan, and he feels just as shitty as ever. An entire day of classes gone and it’s still not the same and this _sucks_. Today _sucks_.

He still doesn’t want to go in.

The hallway across from him, is the same teal blue it was the day they moved in, only it looks less brighter without sunlight and the white-yellow hallway lights kinda, wash everything out. That's how he feels, washed out and not bright and tired.

Everything is so _different_ now, it’s only been one day but he's in such a different place now, than he was 8:43 a.m yesterday.

**2.** The body is not familiar with comforting itself. 

It's not good. But it is not the worse thing that's ever happened. That's how he keeps thinking of it, when he crawls into bed after a late shift and it's too cold. Because there isn’t anyone beside him. When there's nothing to fall asleep to expect the odd car passing by. And the bus that comes every ten minutes and stops at the corner, keeps him up.

(there’s the odd thought, that maybe wonwoo is one of the passengers. and maybe, he’s getting off and coming up and in five minutes, he will crawl into bed beside junhui, where he’s meant to be)

He watches the streetlights instead. He’s tired but he can’t sleep, and he doesn’t manage sleep. Not until the sky is a lighter shade of blue, and the street lights are more orange than yellow.

Waking up in the morning _sucks_. But it's not the worst. He doesn’t have to make an extra cup of coffee (he still puts in too much for one cup, though), no one is hogging the blankets or the bathroom and there’s hot water for the shower. He’s only looking for one pair of keys, and one pair of pants and one shirt. He’s only looking after one person.

It’s not the worst.

**3.** My dog fits the silhouette you left in the second pillow just fine. We curl up like semicircles sharing the same warmth we store for winter. His snore is about eighty-nine times cuter than yours, and he lets me know he’s still there. It’s nice to have a change. 

There's a coffee shop three blocks away from their apartment, and three blocks away from campus. A barista named Joshua works there, and Jun doesn't think he's ever seen Wonwoo so consistently pay in bills just for the coins. Every time they leave, Joshua's tip jar has a new layer of change. Halfway out the door, Junhui laughs at Wonwoo.

“He came by the apartment, _once_. For a donation, I didn't think not giving him one would lead to this.”

It’s the fifth time they’ve done this. Jun waves back at Joshua, Wonwoo doesn’t. “Shut up. It was the one time I didn't have any bills.”

-

Right now, he's in the coffee shop three blocks away from campus, Soonyoung on one side of him, Jeonghan on the table across, and Joshua still barista-ing. Junhui hands him a five dollar bill, and Soonyoung talks about his sociology class.

It's just five and Jeonghan’s waiting for Seungcheol on a date they have, and it's not the same as

8 o'clocks with Wonwoo beside him in one of the corner booths, talking about nothing over cups of coffee. He can't even remember most of those conversations, only the way Wonwoo looked when he leaned closer and Jun had to strain to listen.

But. He feels like this, Jeonghan impatiently tapping on the table, frowning at certain things Soonyoung’s saying. The sky, going from blue to yellow outside, and Joshua's half awkward smile at the tip Jun handed over, is something he might.

It doesn't have to be the same to be better, he realizes a beat late when Jeonghan says something and the three of them break into laughter.

**4.** Just because I spent most days alone didn’t mean they were wasted.

He tries running once. It doesn't work. He tries writing in a diary, no. Watching old movies, no. Watching thai movies, even worse. He watches youtube videos on how to fix washing machines, reads the comments about ‘fast spins’ when it’s three p.m and Wonwoo is usually beside him, reading some comic book.

He has no idea what he’s supposed to do. 3 o’clock went by faster when he had someone beside him. But he swears, he wasn’t this boring.

And he isn’t.

He goes back to what he used to do. Dating Wonwoo and watching their dramas aren’t mutually exclusive. Just because they broke up doesn’t mean that he can’t do anything he used to before the break up. He had a life before Wonwoo, and with Wonwoo. He can have a life after too.

He watches their dramas and laughs at the dialogue by himself. Texts the best lines to Minghao. He makes instant ramen when he comes back from work. He doesn’t have anyone to hip bump anymore, but he dances to the microwave music. Snapchats the whole thing to Jeonghan.

He does all the things he likes to do, all the things they did together, by himself. And it's not bad.

When it’s 4:34p.m and he’s singing One Direction lyrics really loudly to send back to Soonyoung, it’s not bad. He’s pretty sure he could get used to living alone.

**5.** The duets I kill in the shower. The romantic comedies I’m not embarrassed for watching with anyone else. Looking good the days I want to look good. Wearing leggings and a high school sweater when I don’t. 

Jeonghan texts him to wear something nice, Soonyoung texts him to ‘get ready to do some ladykillign”.

Junhui wears a black sweater he's not completely sure is his, and jeans.

They end up at a bar with Jeonghan complaining about how bad Seungcheol is at being a good boyfriend and Jun’s laughing because he’s drunk and Jeonghan’s half screaming tone is funny. Soonyoung is hitting his hand and telling him to stop nagging so much.

There’s no lady-killing, which Soonyoung moans about it the bus ride back. Jeonghan claps a hand over his mouth, and Junhui watches from the seat.

Later, they end up on Jun’s couch and someone puts on Love, Actually. Jeonghan keeps talking about how fake it is, and how real relationships aren't like that. Soonyoung asks Jun if that's really true and Jun shakes his head while Jeonghan says that he’s “the only one in a relationship here!”

Soonyoung winks at him, Jun watches Emma Thompson fall in love.

Later, Jeonghan gets picked up by Seungcheol and Soonyoung says it's true love. Seungcheol says. “chivalry isn’t dead” and Jeonghan actually laughs.

Later, when they fall back into the sheets and they're singing Taylor Swift songs into the dark, half the parts mumbled because neither of them remember the lyrics to Ours properly. Soonyoung asks about if breakups suck, Jun says it's kind of ok.

This, shoulder against shoulder, looking up at the blank ceiling and filling it with their own thoughts, makes it ok.

**6.** Romance didn’t move out when he did. In the summer, I wait for meteor showers, buy nice wine, and sit outside to watch. I have refreshing conversations with the dog. Make nice dinners. Sleep in on Saturdays and pick wildflowers for the kitchen vase. I don’t compromise for myself. I know what I need.

Back when they were dating, Junhui used to sit on the kitchen counter and open up one of the yellow phone books. Flip through the commercial businesses section,  find some place that sounded nice and drag Wonwoo there. They were usually bad. Some were ok.

Wonwoo minded more, near the end.

Wonwoo used to pick up Jun from work on Thursdays, after the afternoon shift and drag him off to one of the fancier places and get dinner, or dessert. They were both dirt poor so it was mostly always something off the specials menu.

They barely did that, near the end.

It still meant something anyways.

It still means something now. Junhui finds a flower shop, walks the eight blocks and takes the bus back, holding a bouquet of the prettiest flowers he found.

It's forty seven dollars for something that isn't going to last very long, but he still thinks it looks pretty when he puts it on the table. Jeonghan, when he comes over, makes him put them in sugar water. He also frowns. Junhui doesn’t mind.

He thinks next time, a couple days later when they've all wilted, and Jeonghan has The Look on his face, he’s going to buy a plant.

He tries again. This time, he goes for dinner at a newish hipster place that opened up. Halfway through the menu, he realizes it's a vegan place and everyone else here is with people. He orders coffee and leaves $3.45 on the table.

The next time, he drags Minghao out with him. They go to a 50s styled movie theatre. Minghao says it sucks, Junhui would agree but he paid for the tickets.

Jeonghan shows up on his doorstep on Tuesday with a plant. “Happy house warming!” Junhui tells him to go away, but lets him in anyways.

Romance isn't dead.  Not when Jeonghan is throwing out the week old dead flowers and replacing them with the same blue flowers Jun liked at the shop so much.

  
**7.** I can’t tell you I wasn’t lonely. I was. I still am sometimes. The difference is, I know how to deal with it now. I don’t try to drown you out with anyone else. I learn to swim. 

Three days after the break up, he’s staring at his phone trying to send a text. The words don't come out right, and he's not even sure if he wants to say them.

The day of the break up, the silence left in the apartment after Wonwoo walks out, is _deafening_.

The week after the break up, Jeonghan is texting him to get up and Soonyoung knocks so hard on the door. Jun opens it just so it won't break.

Minghao tells him to stop slouching so much, a month after when he sees Wonwoo's instagram update.

Three months after the break up, when Junhui goes to the coffeeshop, the layer of change in Joshua's jar is there again and Junhui puts in his own five dollar bill.

  


**Author's Note:**

> ok, you can read the poem [here](http://schuylerpeck.tumblr.com/post/136859500846/i-nights-start-off-like-a-great-first-date) / i completely butchered it into pieces, so please do go check it out. my 2k has _nothing_ on those 300 words.
> 
> leave a comment if u want and u can find me on tumblr [@josuha](http://josuha.tumblr.com/), idk if u can tell, but i just cry about joshua there. A Lot.


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